Matt Nathanson

"It's hard to change the way you loose if you think you've never won."

THE ICK

Sometimes i just think that i just need a pick me up.

thats today-the sometimes i mean.

right now i should be doing college english homework and practicing problems for ap chem.

and doing things like using capital letters.

but today,

today i dont feel like it.

today i miss my boys, and today i want someone to make me soup.

i also want a great big hug today.

but i will feel better later, i mean who likes cleaning their room right??

but idk i hate the ick and today i caught the ick.

but the sun will come out tomorrow:)

ok pumpkin

I bought a pumpkin shirt today.

Which I am more pleased with than words can say!!!

And as I said on facebook, I enjoy this display of my inner age.

Because we all know that on the inside am a combination of an awed toddler and a wise old woman.

My purchases today also reflect my oldness as well since along with the shirt I bought cat food for Chloe and Rusty-my beautiful cats.

:) So I'm an old cat lady and a 17 year old girl, as well as a 5 year old boy- only a boy cause of how much I love action cartoons.

I think that everyone should have (I don't wanna say multipul personalities) facets of their personalities.

For instance I know several girls who are great at being 17 but not so great at college English because they haven't developed a facet of themselves past high school.

I also know an old woman who is great at being a grandmother but she was never a good mother because she never cultivated that part of her personality.

I don't know it's just what I was thinkin about tonight.

Cynicism

I'm definately not a cynic.

I beleive in happy endings too much to be one.

I may masquarade around as a realist also but deep down I am secretly just a romantic.

I also honestly believe that most other people on our lovely home planet are romantics too.

Doesn't everyone want to find their hero/heroine or at least be someone's hero/heroine?

Deep down everyones little imperfections stem from the desire to be loved.

Most of us express this desire in turn for the desire of a significant other.

So here is my point: everyone wants to be loved and this makes them romantics.

Ok let's go over a few sterio-types and we will see if this is a true prognosis on the whole.

Emo-kids

Definition: young people who generally seem serious and reserved. They also tend to wear tight pants and lots of make-up.

Ok this one is obvious!!!! they are "emotional" because they feel like no one loves them!!!!

Preppy-kids

Definition: young people who are generally "well dressed"-the definition of well dressed being that they wear mostly big

name brand clothing.- These people generally come from suburbian areas and may or may not mingle with other stereo-types.

This one is pretty easy too these kids are also stereo-typed as snobby. This is because many are. They are this way because

they are self concious, and they are this way because they fear that if they do not look perfect then no one will love them .

"Gangsters"

Definition: a) someone in a gang

b) someone who has a characteristically urban style, and often speaks in slang vanacular.

I have no comment on the type a "gangsters"( in fact i disagree with the whole gangster title but hey i diodn't pick it) however,

the type b I have some say. My opinion is that they act tough because they have either been hurt before and are thus protecting

themseves or they are expected to act this way by friends ect. So they also act/dress the way they do because they fear

either being hurt or being unloved.

Dorks

Definition: Someone who is socially awkward, and also shows a significant interest in academics.

There are two types of dorks as well.

1) those that accept their dorkiness-I happen to fall into this category although I don't think I'm that socially awkward

2) those who are blissfully unaware of their nerdiness.

The type 1 dorks generally have nothing to hide although they have issues with love as well. Type 2 is much worse. These tend to think that they belong to another type and

therefore have multipul problems in the area of being unloved.

I could go on all day about why every stereo-typical group has basic issue with self acceptance and fear of rejection, but I

think you get the point.

Everyone wants to be loved.

Yes it's an cheesy, outdated concept but how much more true could it be??

And how much more denied and concealed could it be??

More than anything else it seems everyone has the common problem of not wanting the world to know that they require

love.

I think it's part of our make-up as humans to be romantics.

Or maybe its just me :)

Singality

For me singality (yes John I know it's not really a word) is a way of life.

Although I didn't really get to choose so far it's how my life seems to role.

It's sort of like mono if you think about it.

Somehow you caught it sometimes from being skanky and sometimes not so much and it's something that sticks with you for a while and adjusts your life around it.

Movies are more complicated because you actually have to find people to go with you.

Then you have to make sure they are all 17-with id because there is no honor system in the movie theater as i found out last week- cause you are probably going to see something funny and it's probably going to be rated r.

There are endless of these senarios really.

So embrace the singality!!!

Because you are only single once... nope thats not true.

Ummm you only live once... unless you are one of those reincarnation religions.

You are only young once... unless you get plastic surgery.

Hahahaha well you get my drift.

wow

today it took me several hours to come up with one sentance

i need a nap obviously

:)

live, love, laugh, cheese

Sometimes I feel like its so hard to say something true about myself or this world without sounding cliche.

That's one thing about cheesy phrases or quotes or ideas, they got that way because they are generally true or appealing to most of us.

For instance that phrase the grass is always greener on the other side.

We have all heard it a million times, seen at least ten sitcoms or something illustrating the point, but do we get the concept??

I don't know about you but I still haven't internalized it, because I still look at someone who has something I don't- lets say a class for instance- I think that their class is better than mine simply because well i haven't experienced it to know that it's just as crappy as mine.

So I like my world sprinkled with cheese because if you deny cheese you are denying truth.

My NEW Bucket List

Bucket List

1. Graduate High School
2. Go To an Epic College
3. Major in Something Important
4. Fall in Love
5. Graduate College
6. I guess this doesn't count but I want to change peoples world's in lots of little tiny ways
7. Do Something I Thought I Couldn't
8. Find A Job That Helps Others
9. Get Married
10. Own My Own House-with lots of bright colors
11. Have A Picket Fence
12. Have a Baby/Babies
13. Write A Book
14. Get my Masters then PhD
15. Learn to Drive
16. Learn to Do Something New
17. Get a Tattoo on My 60th Birthday
18. Love All the People in the World I Possibly Can
19. Plant A Beautiful Garden
20. Never Dye My Hair
21. Help Someone Find Their Way
22. Tell Someone About Jesus

triple bind

Ok this might sound like crap to you but hear me out.

Sometimes I think that the feminist movement may have hurt women more than it helped.

That being said I don't think that all the time just sometimes, and here is why:

Women, well specifically teenage girls, now need to be good at all of the traditionally "female" roles as well as the traditionally "male" roles to be acceptable in today's American society.

The traditionally "female things"being : pretty, good at relationships( a "good girlfriend), sexy, a good friend, ect.

The traditionally "male things"being: good at sports, smart, emotionally unattched, ect

So now a typical teenage girl has to fill the role of athelete, girlfriend, daughter, friend, student, pretty girl, ect.

This might not sound hard, but if you are attempting to be above mediocre at all of these tasks it gets much more diffactult. Say you are a serious student, a serious athlete, a serious girlfriend, a great friend, and a good daughter who helps out at home what time do you have to just be good at being you?

The book The Triple Bind talks about the confliction between many of the "male" and "female" roles as well.For example society dictates that you be pretty or unacceptable, however if a girl is preoccupied her looks she is considered0and probably is- obnoxiously obcessed with ther appearence. Another example would be in the area of sexuality, because a girl who isn't having sex is often considered a tease, while one who is is often considered a slut. So now we as girls have to be effortlessly beatiful and find the line between sexy and slutty somehow, all while being an occomplished athlete and A student.

Anything less than this is considered unacceptable and either parents or peers will often make that clear.

So I think we can see how some girls can crack under that kind of pressure!!

Now I'm not saying that we should take back anything accomplished by the feminist movement. On the contrary I'm saying that we should free women,and in fact all people, even further by begining to abolish these ridiculous ideas of what other people should or should not be.

After all who exactly are we to tell someone else to and how to do something? Who made us the experts?

So lighten up on yourself and everyone around you because as my mommy says " Do you need to be perfect?"-well she said something like that anyway.

Unique

Unique, isn't that what we all want to be??

Isn't that what we are all attracted to, unique things I mean?

For instance, my favorite movie is Juno, it was the first movie like it.

It is funny, quirky, the songs are catchy, and most of all we are all compelled to love this fresh endearing heroine.

I read a book called the triple bind, actually I skimmed it, and it discussed how teenage girls(and probably guys too but in a different way)

are beginning to relate more with unusual characters like Elphaba from the book/show Wicked, and the characters from novels called the Uglies or something like that.

It kind of goes to show that not only are we looking for unique inspiration but also flawed role models.

Today someone asked me for my side of the story about my suspension last year, this person is a great kid and president of you name it.

Just explaining it to him, even though I knew it wasn't that bad, made me feel like I didn't deserve the things that we had both received as a result of hard work.

I watched the speech president Obama gave on education a few periods later in school and was completely inspired by this one thing he said.

He said "So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse. "

That simple statement reminded me that sure I can be a stupid kid but the president of our entire country wasn't perfect when he was younger either.

This really showed me that sometimes it is the flaws that we can appreciate about someone rather than their perfection.

Which is why we all love imperfect people and characters and even artwork.

Because if everything were perfect then how could anything be truely unique?

HMMMMMM

tonight i feel like i have nothing important to say :) but I had to say something.

You know that feeling???

Here is the thing

Why do boys drive girls so crazy??

I don't think girls make guys as crazy as they make girls and I do not appreciate the unfair balance.

I think I have a pretty level head when it comes to guys but my friends...

Sometimes not so much, so that means that I have do deal with their craziness about guys and it is truly trying.

Not that I'm complaining about listening to them, its what I do second best, but if guys didn't make them so insane then they wouldn't make me so insane and my life would be so much more simple.

I can only think of a few solutions

#1 ignore all of my friends until they reach middle age

Ok i could only think of one.

No but really girls I want you to think about this: what gives them the right to make you so crazy?

That's just it they do not have that right.

So please for the sake of my sanity stay sane.

Don't try this at home

One of my friends decided that the way to handle a break up was to get back into the dating game.

This strategy is fine after the healing process takes place but... he started dating again the day after the break up.

This lead to three dates within the week of the break up, with three different girls.

One of these dates led to one particular girl liking him, and he liked her but...

His emotions were too jumbled up from the breakup to treat her as she remotely deserved.

So please do not follow his example and rush back onto the dating scene!

Your emotions just get very screwed up and you end up hurting other people!

This practice has classically been called rebounding, however my term for it is tanning with a sunburn. Ok so that's not a term but that is exactly what it's like! You haven't healed from the past experience before you repeat it!! Except in relationships you aren't risking sun poisoning you are risking someone else's heart that isn't yours to break.

A good rule of thumb for healing time for semi-short term relationships is half of the length of the relationship. However with longer ones, for instance relationships that lasted for longer than 8 months, there really is no set time period it really is just when you are ready. But if you think you are ready and its the next week you are wrong and you need to start doing something else with your time like knitting! just kidding, but really get a hobby, and hang out with friends I know its not the same as dating but its better than siting at home moping around.

I don't hate

Haha I'm not a hater.

Maegan and Dominic

So today I decided that I would document various present and previous relationships of my friends and family and discuss them with all 5 of you! :)

So lets start with Maegan and Dom since she is so insistent on knowing mu opinion of them!

Maeg and Dom met at panera, a place near and dear to my heart, where they both work.

Dominic thought Maeg was a little weird before he got to know her cause the first time he met her she was going on and on about a zebra dress or something equally ridiculous, and then I guess more and more time stuck at panera started to realize how amazing my crazy sister is.

They started out as friends and one night after work Maeg, Johnny L, and Dom went out for ice cream.

Then they went out on their first date, which Maeg having a slow day didn't realize was a date till after it was over.

They went to New Paltz to see a movie and stuff, and of course I knew she liked him cause she tells me everything. When she came home and told us about it Tab and I were like "that was totally date!!"

So Maeg texted Dominic and said something like "I'm slow and my sisters said this was a date, was it?"

And he said "well I was hoping it was"

and that's how it all started, but they did take things very slow!

I think it took them a month to hold hands and not until sometime after that were they "official".

But anyways now they are "in love" and as long as I'm not feeling cynical it's all very adorable.

I think they have a very healthy relationship because they both communicate well and express how they are feeling.

They never have had a fight and that is saying something since I know how difficult my sister can be! But they do have their obstacles like any couple like the fact that he is moving away in October or November and this makes my whole family sad since we have become very fond of Dominic and his brothers Sean and Brendan!! ( Sean Brendan Tabatha and I formed a secret sonic society called the F***ing Awesome Four which Maegan and Dominic are very upset not to be a part of- and the name was not my idea and I think I have only said the whole thing once just so you know)

But Maegan and Dominic are good together and I love them both and I'm not sure what else to say I mean they may not have an awesome meet-cute(movie term ask later if you don't know what it means) but they are a great example of how simple relationships can be and how loving someone can be pretty darn easy.

ABOUT LIFE

Tell me all the reasons why life is great!! :)

Wars, battlefields, and who knows what else?

What I don't get is this obsession to say that love is a battlefield.

But I do know that it isn't a new obsession cause there is that other song too from forever ago.

Anyways, who wants love to be a battlefield?? Honestly, who??

I certainly don't like the concept that falling in love is like going to war!

As you know, I'm one of those who still hold out hope that when it's the right person it won't be hard, so

tell me why the hell I would I want to compare love to a battlefield?

I think the people who do do it because they want the other person to love them.

In fact the other person might even think that they love said soldier but I don't think they truly do.

If one or both parties are continually getting wounded like in a battle or war then that's not love they are in it's something else,

lust possibly, co-dependency , or maybe they just aren't in love anymore .

But whatever the reason that people feel that love is a battlefield it isn't healthy.

Any relationship that is that difficult to maintain and is that painful should be ended as soon as possible.

Because if someone doesn't love you(especially if they don't know they love you) there is no way to fix that you

can't make them love you so say goodbye and good riddance because any person not in love with you is stupid and insane.

2/5

Today I took a shower.

Hahaha ok i take one everyday but today I picked up my conditioner and its the kind that has those random questions on the back and answers on the shampoo bottle. The question was 2 out of 5 people end up marrying who? and it just so happened that we had the shampoo too even though usually we only buy the conditioner of that brand so it was kind of odd. I looked at the answer on the shampoo bottle and it said : their first love.

I started thinking about that and its crazy because that means that 40% of the married population got married to their first love!!!

My question is do the divorce rates apply to them or are they the majority of the 50 percent that stay married??? well that's silly of course the divorce rate applies to them too but it did make me think about the other 60 percent of the population of married people.

They passed up their first love.

That makes me a little sad to be honest, because I really wish that every person truly in love with another person got to marry them.

I don't know if I'm making any sense but isn't it sad that 60 percent of the people who get married were already in love and it didn't work out??

I don't know about you but I certainly don't want to have to go through the rigmarole of finding someone, falling in love, then falling back out, then finding someone else, and falling back in hoping that it will stick this time. I'm not stupid of course I want to date more than one person in the future but that doesn't mean that I will love everyone I date. I hope, and I think that you will agree with me on this one, that when I finally fall in love that's it. However our society doesn't seem to agree on this for some reason. Maybe that's why there are so many mean people in this world, everyone is heartbroken, because I'm not sure that once you are really in love you ever fall out of it(at least that's what parent trap says ;)

All I'm saying is that I hope I'm in the 40% that only have to fall in love once.

Relationship column number 2

The other day was talking to my mom and her fiancee on the back porch- which is something that happens a lot in my family, it seems the back porch and the dining room table are our major talking forums- and we were talking about finding the right person.

Dave, my mom's fiancee, says "Look Morg I found your mom, sure I'm 37 but hey I found the right person for me! So will you!"

Ok does anyone else see a problem with this particular piece of encouragement??

Perhaps that it took him 37 years to find the love of his life!

I don't know about you guys but I'm not particularly inclined to wait that long, I mean my patience is good but I'm not the angel of patience(if there even is such a thing) if you know what I mean.

But that whole discussion brought up the age old question in my mind and here it is:

How do you know when you have found "the one"??

Sure it sounds like something Carry Bradshaw would say, but honestly I don't care how many people have asked this question before because as of yet I haven't heard a reliable answer for it!

In my entire life I have not heard anyone give a three step process for figuring out if the love in your life is in fact the love of your life, and I have heard a heck of a lot of three step process speeches in my short life.

So what is the trick?

I mean it seems we have tons of deciphering techniques for a lot of things, there are books that tell you if "He's Just Not that Into You" there are books for all different kind of dummies, but I certainly do not want to be the next in line to buy "True Love For Dummies" if that even exists.

So here is: I think, as I know you are all dying to hear yet another of my opinions :)

I think that if you are in love you know it.There is no convincing yourself you are in love when it is the real deal.

Also I have heard that if you are "meant to be" things aren't hard, like you don't constantly check your phone to see if they texted you yet because you haven't heard from them today.To paraphrase from one of the aforementioned love deciphering tools, if he likes you he will call or text or something. Do you honestly think the love of your life is going to keep you hanging?

Another thing I have heard is that love finds you when you give up. When you finally recognize that you suck at trying to find yourself love, that is when stupid cupid shows up.

So to wrap up our three step solution for your loveless love life ;) here is a review:

1. Remember lying is a sin even if you do it to yourself:)

2.Love is not actually supposed to be a battlefield so stop making it so hard on yourself.

3.Cupid likes his victims unprepared to put the binoculars away.

Morgan's Relationship Collumn ;)

Yes I do have a life!!!

Its a pretty darn good one too!

But has anyone else noticed that the single life can get... well... lonely???

Oh goodness that's so common its like has anyone else noticed that they breathe oxygen??

Or have you noticed that when you fall it hurts??

But its true most of us occasionally feel that tiny twinge of loneliness on every other Tuesday of the third month of every other year right??

Haha so its a little more often than that... ok its a few times a week.... I'm not admitting to any more than that! :)

But really I have a question for everyone and here it is :

Were we designed to live life in some sort of coupling formation, or is that something that stems from a deficiency inside us??

Because I do not want to believe that because I would rather be in a relationship than single at this point in my life that something is wrong with me.

However I do accept the obvious fact that if someone cannot function without being in a relationship that there is something wrong.

So where is that delicate balance between being healthy and wanting a relationship, and being unhealthy and needing a relationship??

I for one do not need a relationship.

I only know this because I have only spent roughly 2 to 3 months of my life in a dating relationship.

Honestly I didn't like it all that much so I quit much like one would quit their first job at a fast food joint.

But really we all know those people who always seem to be in a relationship! or at least "talking" to someone.

That's one thing I hate!! When someone says to me "Yeah I have been 'talking' to this guy for about a month now" my personal vote is that a) it needs a new term because I can't stand the current one and b) If he still hasn't asked you out in a month of "talking" then he isn't worth your time deary.

Back to my point I think the line between the "healthy"(sorry for all the quote marks just feeling a little quote happy) desire for a relationship and the unhealthy need for one is semi-vague.

It does seem however that there is a knowledge that the line really exists because in the gossip circle you'll hear the undercurrent of disapproval when girls are constantly leap frogging from one guy to the next. (I just made up that term leap frogging it means when a girl or a guy sets up another relationship before they jump ship on the first one. I personally find this practice tacky and definitely unhealthy for all three parties involved.)

When it comes to wanting a relationship here is how I define healthy : A strong person confident in who they are and who wants someone to share stuff like movies and bad chinese food with.

Unhealthy defined is : An insecure person seeking to complete themselves by finding someone to fill in their cracks.

Ode to Butterflies

My stomach is in a knot.

Not sure what I've got.

Can't wait to find out,

Just what this is all about.

My heart feels light.

Everyday seems so bright.

Hahahahaha ryhming is so ridiculous!!!!!!!!

Somewhere in the Middle - casting crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

SENTENCING

So for the record being suspended sucks!
But I did finish all my homework and the essay my mom wanted me to write.
Now all I have to do is figure out what I'm going to say tomorrow at the superintendent hearing.
Any ideas?:)
I just hate all of this stress!Its killing me!
Then when I think about all I'm missing and I want to have a heart attack!
Geez!:) But I will live!
Also though what does one wear to a superintendent hearing?
I kinda feel like I'm going to my death sentencing!Lol
I'm just scared.
But hey if I could wear my green shoes I'd feel a ton better but there's no way in hell my mom will let me wear shoes with holes in them to my SENTENCING(thats what I've decided to call it:).
But I guess its all for the good cause I need to look like a very upstanding citizen(which I really would like to think I am[Yes I don't always recycle geez Im sorry]).- I think I may have overkilled on the parenthesis ya think?
But hey even if I do get kicked out for the rest of the year it's all gunna be ok. I mean I could always go to summer school(dum dum duahhhhm)- Im really scared of summer school for the record!!!!
Well I think that's all for now I'm going to try to find something productive to do like fold laundry and watch friends the entire first season:)(hey if at 12 o'clock on Thursday you'd say a little preyer for me I would really appritiate it)

Today was so full of good things.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder when exactly life will get easy.
Because I look at some people and they have had it coming to them their whole lives.
Like the good stuff is supposed to be just around the bend for them.
But then things get tighter and slowly loosen again and then tighten back up.
Its like their life is a constant up and down of blessings and curses thrown at them.
But do you know what I have noticed about those people?
They can love like nobody else.
Now I mean these people are mommy's and daddy's and sister's and brother's to everyone around them.
What is it about those people who have been to hell and back again that make them so loving?
Is it the heat of their lives that have just burned up all of the imperfections?
So many people ask me why God let's bad things happen to good people and that is the only answer I have ever found.
For some people that isn't enough but it's all I've got tonight so I hope it'd enough for you.
Because those people who have been to hell and back a few times know that life is life and it is an up and down kind of a cycle and you just have to roll with it.
They tell me that life is too short.
I'm not sure for what but that is what they tell me.

Who likes beards?

I decided I like food that's bad for me.
And I don't care if that's bad because I like it and I'm not afraid to say it.
That sounds silly but my saying that is freeing because for too long I said what I thought would make other people think highly of me.
I rounded down my weight if asked, I subtracted two or three from my actual size, I even pretended to like things I hated and hate things I liked.
Now I hate to say that I did those things to be cool but if I deny it I'm lying.
Yes, I succumbed to the pressure to fit in.
So now I'm taking a stand.
I like fast food.
I am a size 12 or 14.
I love stupid movies.
I am roughly one hundred and eighty five pounds.
I can't carry a tune.
I love to sing anyway.
You see I'm finished trying to be someone that people like, so from now on I'm going to do my best to tell the truth fearlessly.
I think today's society is messed up.
I think that House is right when he says that everybody lies.
But you don't have to and neither do I.
There shouldn't be any shame in being who you are.
The thing is that I really doubt that if I told everyone that I'm a size 13 that they would look at me any differently than if I lied and said I was a size 10 but I think we all have a fear of being rejected for who they are.
Let's stop being afraid let's stand together in truth and accept our friends for who God made them and who they have become.
Let's stop judging and start caring.
If everyone held their tongue once for every two times they were going to say something insulting everyone would be 50% less scared to say who they really are.
Because it is the amount of times you are hurt that determine how open you are going to be.
So shut your mouth to insults and open your mouth to truth and see how far you get.
I think it's time to be real and stop acting, there are people who get paid for that, leave it to them.

green shoes

Holes in the sides.
Worn in from life.
The vibrant color only slightly faded from the years of wear and tear.
By looking at them you can tell that slipping them on your feet would feel like coming home.
Its like they have soul(no not the kind every shoe has I do believe that is spelt differently).
No they hold memories and stories inside them.
All you have to do is put them on and its like you never wore another shoe in your whole life.
Or would ever want to again for that matter.
Never be ashamed to wear your green shoes.

My List

Recently I watched a very amusing movie with one of my favorite actors Morgan Freeman.
In this movie the two protagonists decide to make a list of things to do before "kicking the bucket" and I really liked this idea, however at age 16 it seems a little grim to make a list of things to do before I die so I will just make a list of this I want to do this year.
MY LIST

1. Kiss someone like I mean it(see the bottom of the list)
   
2. Take a walk all day(alone)
3. Create a masterpiece
4. Spend at least 5 weeks away from home
5. Let someone else(besides Maeg)read something I've written(other than this)
6. Do something really hard(hike a big mountain, swim a lake, or kayak something really swift)
7. See what I consider a wonder
8. Let go of my regrets