it's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me

gotta love quotes

rubbish

"You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not."
— Jodi Picoult
Sometimes other people say what you feel and you can't find the words to say.
they just have their ish together like that.
Gosh one day I hope I have it together enough to be quoted.
for now i know a few things
God is good
the morning will always come
love is like matter, and can't be created nor destroyed
these things make me happy.
Like legitimately happy.

B-

Today God saved my life.. through a B-.
In english that's what I got.
I'm really super happy about it though because I was scared of an F.
Like really scared!
I feel like if I passed that class I can handle this whole college thing.
If He got me through Abdoo's honors class then He is going to find a way to get me through the rest.
If I'm meant to go to med-school, then He's gunna find a way for me to pass the MCAT, and pay for that too, even if I gotta donate some eggs.
I have one more final and honestly, I should have studied, but it's chem and I really
don't know how to study for that. So God help me get through that too!
ALSO I'm about to go out with my really sweet boyfriend, I've been having the scary scary feelings but this time I'm not running, I'm doing my best to be a grown up and not do the whole scary scary thing.
soo yeahh God has been good to me!

this cloudyness is heartbreaking today for some reason.
I'm listening to T. Swift, and skipping english,and just generally really wanting to go back home!
This is a hard week to be here for some reason.
Probably because I just totally bombed my bio test.
This day started pretty suckily.
Bio, english(which Im skipping), chem hw due, stat, hour break, lab till 4, gym with Mary, dinner, research paper.
SUCK.
I just want a big hug, and I got one but now I want another one.
I'm needy
the end

weak

I'm weak and flawed.
Tired, exhausted, worn in, worn out, upside down inside out.
I'm me, and I'm loved.
I'll still be as loved tomorrow as I am today, thank You God.
This is it, this is me, I'm no genius, and I'll never be.
I love, and am loved, not by men, not by women, but by my God.
Sometimes by men, every once in a while by women,but always by Him.
I'm so blessed, I have family, friends, and a roof over my head.
I am getting an education, and pretty cheaply.
I love my life, thank God.
The end

bitches

get stitches. end of story.

sometimes I wish I was the girl in one of those stories.
you know the one's where the ending comes quickly?
Happily ever after comes after a few complications and a hero in a fast car.
But really I think I would find that kind of ending very frustrating, because what does happily ever after mean anyway?
Where is the contract guaranteeing Cinderella her happily ever after?
I would really like to have some of my pre-law friends look that over because there's gotta be a loophole for prince charming in case cinderella gets fat or something.
ANYWAYS
Im glad my life isn't a simple story wrapped up, and sparkly, and I'm happy with the journey,so much so that I sometimes loose sight of the destination.
The most frustrating part of the long way too happily ever after is that dreams like babies, and marriage that seem so close for my peers are still just as far away for me as they seemed at 14.
Hormones make me say aww every time we pass a cute baby in the mall, and my *achem* shapely (i guess u could call it) figure makes me the target of boys who want me to be either be the girl mom and dad approve of, or who want me to BE their mother in some creepy way.
Not too worry though, I am very focused, recently so though.
I now spend at least and hour and a half studying on days when I don't have class, and sometimes on days when I do.
I re-write messy notes, and try and figure out concepts that weren't explained in class, and basically I'm an even bigger nerd than I was in high school.
BUT hopefully it's paying off.
It seems to be, but I can't really tell.
There are still people who are smarter than me, AND people who are more stupid, so I guess after mid-term grades are out I'll know what I need to work on, I'm not sure.
So, clearly I'm no Cinderella, I have no wicked step mother or sisters, AND CERTAINLY no prince as of yet( but no worries I'm not holding my breath).
I'm me. Morgan Lea Freeman Giggles B-Rabbit Jesus-lady Harrison. =D
Yeahhh I know I'm self focused again sorry

a dream

is a wish that your heart makes, when you're fast asleep :)

baby the dice were loaded from the start

romeo, you know I used to have a scene with him!!!
I love you.
All of you and I'm sorry I'm so self focused!
If you need me, know I always have your back.
:D

accountability

I think I need some more accountability cause I find myself in the worst conversations, and being very inappropriate at times.
I have catholic friends who are like me in that they dont smoke drink or have sex, but the problem lies in the stupid conversations we have at dinner or back at the room.
I just feel like I'm undoing all the progress I made with my lanuage and subject content over the summer.
Maybe that's the whole point, maybe because I tried to change of my own violition and that's why it's not sticking..
Also days like today when I dont have class I dont read my Bible before I go out, and that needs to change.
In addition the single life is becoming more frustrating as everyone starts pairing off and I'm feeling out in the cold, and frustrated.
Pray for me please :)
I want so badly to be a good example for the kids at youth group, and to be close with God, I just feel like college is working in the opposite direction, and it's frustrating!

"I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.."
— Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)
Why is it all about love?? Gosh i hope love is awesome since I spend so much time thinking about it. Who is in it and who's not. Will I ever find it? Will it last? will it be that guy? how about that one? I really don't want to be let down when I finally find it...
I want someone to say one day that one of the greatest accomplishments of their life was loving me, and loving me for me the crazy mess that I am.
I want to be able to say right back that they were one of the biggest defining forces in my life.
I want what all of humanity wants which is to be loved, and loved well.
I think that's possibly the most conformist thing about me.

quoteables

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."
— Mother Teresa
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
— Marilyn Monroe
"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas A. Edison
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
— Mark Twain
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
— Albert Einstein
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
— Mark Twain
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

ouch!

this has been one crazy monday!
I did my morning routine, and then grabbed a capachino with rachel on the way to class, but it's been such a long day that i cant believe that was today at all.
Then went to class, and thankfully my 11am was cancelled, so i ran back to the dorm and finished the questions that were due for lab at 1.
Then I layed down for like 5 minutes, but then I got up to grab super quick lunch then go to bio ex credit on time management, then i had lab, which was super exaughsteing since for some reason at one point my lab partners designated me a task that i felt i couldnt do properly, and i felt like they werent helping, and ever decision i made i felt like they were undermining. But it got better, and we ended up going over a little on time, but so did the whole class.
Then I went back to my room and feel into a dead sleep for an hour and a half, which was the blessed highlight of my dayy. Then rob wanted me to come over, and i did cause we needed to talk about him being (excuse my french) a witch. then we talked that out, and I'm really still not happy about the whole thing but he recognized that nothing was my fault that he freaked out for no reason pertaining to me. Then we hung out w/ppl for a few min, and then I went to din din with ang,and talked it out with her. Brendan came by and we talked a lil about it too. Then me and ang went back to her room, and Djejry stopped by, and he and i went to rob's to meet up with everyone for Angel's birthday to go to the diner. Then we walked there, and we all laughed and joked, and we ate and sang and laughed, and walked back doing the same thing. I was joking around with kevin and he made me feel really bad cause he said i was inconsiderate of rob's feeling by joking around too much wioth him and Djerjy which is true but it stung, but he did it carefully but it still hurt, but he was right. Now I have no idea how to act, and its frustrating. Rob got sick at dinner, and i of course took the bossy role of ensuring he took propper care of himself cause frankly he was fragrantly disregaurding his health and more than anything is pissed me off. By the time we got back to the room he has apperantly thrown up twice more, which i didnt know cause I'd been talking to Djerjy and Kevin about my coldheartedness. So I oersirbed a bottle of water, and rest, the rest he disregaurded but the water her drank.
We played poker, and I came back to the dorm at a lil before 12, and decided to get my laundry done tonight. SO that's what I'm doing right now. MY laundry. SO I will have more time to study, and work out tomorrow.
But right now I'm tired, and I feel lonely.
I will live and everything will be fine, but Kevin's reprove still stings(although he jokes with me as much as i do him I think it was a reprove to himself as muich as it was too me), and I feel like in order to put this whole thing behind me I have to move on and not talk about it, but I still feel no peace about the situation.
So if your reading this please pray for me:)
I also have two tests this week and an essay due monday, and another test either this week or next week.
I'm running on fumes and it's monday :)
Lord help me!

It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me

<3 that song soo much!
my tummy hurts.. possibly because i had three cups of coffee today :)
oh well i dont mind cause i have soo much energy now :)
okayy so my love life is back to boring which in a way makes me happy cause I know where I stand!
lol anywayss I really have absolutely nothing interesting to say as usual besides I love everyone and I am having a great day!week!month!year!
lol and ahhhhh okay im going to the gym,a nd work off some of this energy!

home :)

I'm soo glad I came home this weekend, i had a blast, and i had missed them soo much!

But I'm super excited about getting back to campus too!

I can't believe that mommy is really moving to ARK!

So things are going to be a little different around here!

Everyone is seeking God's will(aka their great perhaps) and it is so exciting to see!

Gotta get back to campus to finish my bio lab :P

love, love, love

Oh Gosh

I'm soo glad everyone is back!

Like seriously, it made me feel so much better when people started coming back to campus this morning!

I hung out with Angie all day!

We walked ALL OVER JERSEY CITY.

I expect to be sore manana.

Also rob came back, and brian and shane and all those guys that I'm pretty much friend with.

But really my main homies are Rob, Carlos, and Angie.

They are my favorites at least, but the rest are chill too.

anyways it's nice to have a big group to go to dinner with and stuff, it's so much less lonely and boring when everyone is here.

By the way there is pot all over the place here!! like almost everyone smokes! its crazy!!!

EWWWW it's major gross!

I wish I had class tomorrow

this whole time on my hands thing is bad for me

I mean I have been praying, and listening more BUT ITS SO DEPRESSING ON CAMPUS WHEN EVERYONE IS GONEEEE

like seriously!

but really today wasnt so bad,

What did I do tonight??

Well it started out getting back from the gym.

Then I showered and ordered chinese.

I ate, and watched old movies, until steve called and asked me to come outside and hang out with him.

So then I hung out with him, and Tim.

We went to 711 and got drinks(iced tea and stuff)

Then we came back and chatted on the picnic tables some more.

Then i went back to my room to finish my movie, and they wanted to come over so I told them they could stop by later if they really wanted.

So they did like 5 min after I got here.

Then we all hung out for a while and tim climbed in my bed and went on the laptop.

Steve eventually dipped cause he wanted to talk to his gf.

So me and Tim watched a movie, yes in my bed, only cause there rlly is no better place to watch tv.

BUT I MADE SURE NOTHING HAPPENED

If he got too close to my face I moved.

Anyways he just left now, and its pretty late.

After the movie we talked and and an ongoing cheek pinching war(yes i know this sounds familiar) BUT I WAS CAREFUL!

Gosh it's so hard to have male friends!

I will be more careful in choosing who i let come up next time.

Anyways nothing happened the most physical contact we had was for like a few minutes his head was on my knee, but even then I was so careful.

I WISH WE HAD COUCHES!

I HATE MEN...

okay there are a few I dont hate, but he isn't one of them lol

(okayy i just dont like him I dont hate him)

but he tried, and was denied.

that in itself is an improvement.